happy birthday to evelyn and michelle !!!!!!! =D

im happy, im sad, im du lan, im pissed off, im dumb, im elated. fuck. but now, im feeling weird. why? emotions, feelings are confused, mixed up. dunno what to say now..

夜里传来雨的声音

轻轻拨动心的旋律

情不自禁想到你

那些甜蜜的回忆

总是不小心就淋湿了我的眼睛

爱情需要一些呼吸

偶尔保持一点距离

回到朋友的关系

任你自由的来去

从此想念你只能放在我心里

你还爱我吗

一直好想问你这句话

却又怕

听到你真实的回答

你还爱我吗

为何你总是不说话

眼看我为爱不爱挣扎

你爱我吗

好久没有你的消息

心里还惦记着你

在这冷冷的夜里

感觉那么的熟悉

好想再见你想听听你的声音

感情的路总让人好无助

我会学着面对独处

给深爱的你祝福

你还爱我吗

一直好想问你这句话

却又怕

听到你真实的回答

你还爱我吗

这是我唯一的牵挂

不管你会有什么回答

我会一直等你

你还爱我吗


Whenever i listen to this song, the 5th sentence best describes the emotion that im having.
Do you still love me?

things has gone much more worst than i have expected. i cant really use words express my thoughts as i find it really hard to. i dunno what to say, dunno even know what to do. why am i tied up in this r/s that i wun bear to let go?

K session with mandy and da jie on the 17 oct. really had fun singing and ki siao-ing with the both of them. hahas. had our dinner at chomp chomp and then bused home. =D

went out today to meet him. actually i met him yesterday too. but we only met for around half an hour??.. well, because he got to go work. =( he told me that from tml onwards, he will be working everyday except sundays. well, that means he will NOT be meeting me so often already. only one day? I dun think its enough for me. and something actually happened that make him wanting to bay “let's break up” on 18 oct. i dun wanna talk about it. it hurts alot. =( why does he have to work EVERYDAY?? i cant really understand. haiish. is MONEY really that important? face it bahhs, money is the most important thing in this world. no money no talk. maybe i should get a job too. anybody got any job intros? i miss him. i hate him for wanting to work everyday. then what about me???

i hate you.
i trusted you.
but why do you have to lie to me?
am i that unreasonable.
if there's one, there's twice..
trust between us?
it weakened.

went out shopping with him today. haha. first time, he accompanied me for the WHOLE DAY !! i only bought a pair of shoes. decided to save money, got to buy something for him as a present.. yes, i think i'm too soft hearted. i ran away from you yesterday is because you was are at fault and you shouted at me. you know i dun like ppl lying to me, but why did you? why YOU? forget it, dun do it next time round. i'm really damn soft hearted.

school's starting tml, sianns ! i scared i'm not able to wake you tml. first period, sw.. sian arhhs. 3pm den finish school...... -.-

iim not going to upload all the pics cus there's some problems with my blog. i cant even change the fonts and everything. =@ went out with siblings on the 8 oct and it was fun fun fun !! i love my elmo.

如果两个人的天堂

象是温馨的墙

囚禁你的梦想

幸福是否象是一扇铁窗

候鸟失去了南方

如果你对天空向往

渴望一双翅膀

放手让你飞翔

你的羽翼不该伴随玫瑰

听从凋谢的时光

浪漫如果变成了牵绊

我愿为你选择回到孤单

缠绵如果变成了锁链

抛开诺言

有一种爱叫做放手

为爱放弃天长地久

我们相守若让你付出所有

让真爱带我走

为爱结束天长地久

我的离去若让你拥有所有

让真爱带我走说分手

为了你失去你

狠心扮演伤害你

为了你离开你

永远不分的离去




a song intro to me by him. whats the meaning of it?

well, shing sian asked me to do this quiz, and so, here it goes :

1. What are your nicknames?
- vian - girl - hei hei mao mao

2. What do you do before bedtime?
- sms - watch tv - eat

3. What was the last book you read/currently are reading?
- maths textbook

4. What fruits you like most?
- almost every fruit except PINEAPPLE

5. Last song you listened to?
- misery business BY paramore

6. What do you eat the most?
- food

7. Do you trust easily?
- used to. not now

8. What’s the oldest piece of clothing in your wardrobe?
- forgotten

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
- relationship, money & family

10. Favourite tv show?
- dunno

11. Favourite brand of shoes?
- no preferences

12. What websites do you visit daily?
- hotmail, friendster, my blog, friends blog

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
- family, friends and HIM

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
- LOL. well, a nice classmate

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
- "有一种爱叫做放手"

16. What’s your favourite song of the moment?
- misery business BY paramore

17. What’s your all time favourite drink?
- pokka green tea

18. If you had $1,000 in cash, what would you do with it?
- save and use part of it

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
- cash, handphone

20. What do you want to buy right now?
- present for many occasions and a new school shoe

21. What super ability do you wish you possess?
- able to read people's mind

people being tagged by me:
1 in ping =D
2 cecilia baobei =D
3 mandy =D
4 joan da jie =D
5 michelle =D

jia bin, me, mandy and joan
mandy, joan and me

from IR3. mandy, shasha, joan, me, sabrina and only guy from our class, jia bin.

our pass. with very not nice photos. *enlarged and blurred*

some pictures and views on the site for the s'pore first night race. hahah. had fun working from the 26 to 28th.. =D was tiring for my legs and my sole is hurting like hell. i think its caused due to the standing and walking for very very very long hours. =( and the muscles ached when i woke up this morning. now, its fine. didn meet him as promised. something obviously happened.. when, nvm. at least we met up at the morning at 8.30am on the 27th. the time we met was short but, sweet. he says he doesn wan me to work for such long hours because his heart aches when i complain to him that my sole hurts. hahah.. =D now, he calls me 'ironwoman' because i call him 'ironman'. cus he can tahan very long hours of works without any aches. *wow* well, stayed at home today and rest my poooooor legs. haha. they are okay now. see my mood whether tml iim meeting him or not.

will be meeting da jie, mandy and xiao mei later on to get the instruction booklet for the F1 thing. hmmm, during the holidays, im not working. but, rotting at home. hahas. =D will be meeting him later too if nothing goes wrong. will be meeting siblings at 2pm, are we having lunch together?

i hate it when you say that we are useless. everything we do is like dirt to you. no matter how hard we try, we can please you. what exactly do you want from us? us to die? if we are meant to be bookworms, we will be. but so sad, we cant study well enough for you and what you do is scold. you should at least tell us nicely that we have to do our best for the next paper and not compare us with others. do you know how much pressure the kids are going through nowadays? if you dun, den keep quiet and be a good housewife. and not saying that we are useless bums, no brains, good for nothing. if you are so good, den why din you continue your studies after sec4? why get married? feel regretted that you give birth? sorry, we cant go back into your womb right? and yes, my dad is uneducated. so what? at least he has a job and gives you money every month right? stop saying that we are useless like our dad.. everyday what you do is scold. nag, scold, nag. have you ever praised us? not even once. think about it, are we useless or are you?

went over to in ping house in the afternoon as her bf ordered 2 large pizzas and they cant finish. hahah... but i go over oso not much use. i only help to eat 1 piece.. but at least i help horr. hahah. i too full luhh. hmmm, my bf kept working this few days, got no time to accompany me. its always like this. im used to it.. =( hmm, in ping kept saying i nva update. in ping, see this arhhs, I UPDATE LIAO WORR. hahah.. nowadays nva update is got nothing much to write. on the 9th of sept, went out with siblings and had our lunch at soul gardens. hahha.. so fun. but without dajie.. =( after that, went to take neo prints. the feeling like abit weird weird de. maybe is too long nva take lerr bahhs. den we went ps to play arcade. so long nva play lerr, so shiok. hahah. went home around 10pm ++ ?? hmm, not sure. but is was a fun day indeed. =D

i hate myself for being so dependent on you. maybe is last time we meet too much, thats why when we didnt meet for a few days, i feel so weird. like i forgot to do something important.. you promised me that you will accompany when your sept holidays come. but you will work too. but what i never expect is that you will only accompany me for a day. i'm depressed, sad, angry. all different emotions came into me. i hate myself for not being strong enough to accept this kind of things. am i very useless? am very sad but yet i told you nothing happen to me. if you are willing to meet me only tml is because i cried, den its okay. i dun want to force you to do something that you dun want. i wun feel good too. you lied to me again and again. about accompanying me during your holidays? i think its not going to be true. its just a pack of lies. is one day enough for you? i tell you, its not enough for me. i know im selfish, but this is me. im very sad and unhappy everyday, but i still have to pretend that im happy in order not to spoil any one's day, but what lies underneath my heart, no one knows. i hate myself right now.

my presents i got this year from friends.

25th august 2008, my 17th birthday.

firstly, i want to thank those who sent me an sms , a comment in friendster or mentioned a happy birthday to me in their blogs. im touched because you guys remembered. okay, today is just an happy day for me. every year, its almost the same. but this year, different. got different people sing birthday song to me, celebrate with me, got some unexpected presents, some unexpected surprises and i cried (when im with him, because of some reasons). yes, i almost drop my tears when iR3 sang the birthday song. =x i dunno why, but there's a weird feeling inside my heart when i hear this song, i feel like crying.. thanks arhhs. today, mandy, connie and wei hua were absent and joan, rayne and jia bin played a prank on me luhh. first, squeeze the present inside my bag, making it look so fat. den when i want to open the present, they asked me to close my eyes and count to 17. and so i did, i counted to 17 and opened the box. jia bin's psp was inside. -.- den they asked me to repeat what i did and this time round, i know what they want to do. change the present again.. hahha. but too bad, i saw rayne putting something white on my bag. its a wallet.. hmmm, after school, went to meet him. so damn pek cek. dun ask why, joan and jia bin should know why.. hahha. FINALLY, watched "money not enough 2" with him at yishun. and when we left, he slipped and fell onto the stairs. i was like "omg, is your butt okay? and he didnt say anything but kept looking at the cake he bought for me." ( i thought i saw his eyes got abit of tears) and my cake was, look at the picture above. =( BUT it still taste nice. because he bought it and its made of CHOCOLATE!! haha. dear, although the cake is smashed, but its the thoughts that count. i dun mind the smashed cake, really. thanks lao gong gong !! went home around 9pm ++ as my mum was complaining. reached home and she doesn't even want to talk and look at me. well, i dun want to think too much, maybe she is in a bad mood. okay, i counted and 17 people smsed me to wish me happy birthday, dear gave me $17 for my "ang bao". thanks fro the presents my friends and my dear. i love each and everyone of it. and thanks for the song sang, the time we spent together. i enjoyed my 17th birthday !! THANKS !! ohh yahh, he gave me a very cute bear and 52 chocolates (to make me grow fat). hahha.. i love the presents !!

one more day to my 17 birthday !! hoping that it will be a good one on the actual day !!