Only if..

Only if i could turn back the time, many things wouldn't even have happened. Be it is good or bad, happy or sad.

Only if i could think about what i should do and not what i want to do, many unhappiness can be eased.

Only if i could think straight for the moment and not let other emotions take control over me, i wouldn't be like this today.

Only if i could be a little more smarter, i wouldn't have caused so many troubles in my 18 years of life.

Only if things were much easier, there wouldn't be problems to solve.

Only if i have better understanding and control, i would have been better.

If all is only if, if all i had was a time machine.

It's always only if.

BACK.

Almost forgot that i have a blog. Lol. Well, now that i have my own laptop, i might be updating often. Might be only. (: Well, short update now. Currently having attachment at this spa/salon place. Environment is good, people there is great. Just that i find them very funny. Oh well, attachment coming to an end, means school is going to reopen very soon. Until then, bye people! (:

Lost.

Find me my paradise. Where is it? Find me a perfect getaway.

Hell out of a week.

Monday 26 April 2010
School was LOL. Pom teacher cant stand half of our class sleeping, and the other half not paying attention, so he released us early. Hahaha! Went to meet Baby first because he taking MC. Poor thing, fall sick ): And anyway, Amk was pouring!!! Flood somemore. My school shoe wet like dunno what when i tried to tip-toe across a puddle and a uncle just step right into the puddle. I gave up, just walk across, and whole shoe wet. TSK. But, it was cooling though. (: Weic came over my place to bake her teddy bear. Damn funny, it became volcano eruption!!! Hahaha! But still, we managed to get a shape out of it. Hope her bf will appreciate this. Baking isnt easy.

Sunday 25 April 2010
Baby's mum birthday. Bought her chocolates as presents with a nice carrier. Abit no effort but was late min so, sorry uh. Went Bras Basah Complex and Marina Square with Baby to get something and ended up playing bishi bashi in the arcade, causing us to be a little late. But, dinner at Jack's Place was alright. Only i think the salmon they never control the fire properly, abit over cooked. =/

Saturday 24 April 2010
Today Baby will be having his very first dragonboat race before his duty. Good luck! (:
And bloody hell, im very confused now. The guy told me this phone is good, that sucks, and good again. Im very confused and in the end, i went home with nothing, but with my super chui phone. ):


Friday 23 April 2010

Watched Bounty Hunter today at J8 and it was something like Date Night. And i still prefer Date Night. Haha. Must still, overall, nice. My tummy hurts like hell man. Sucks. ):
Oh, and Happy 19th Birthday to WeiHua!!!! (:
Hope you like the present.

Thursday 22 April 2010
Went over to WeiHua's birthday chalet. Super duper wu lu!!! Missed the shuttle and shared a cab to her chalet with 2 strangers but together with Baby uh. (: A little weird over there because dont really know her friends. Haha. But still, hope she enjoyed the chalet (:

Ass-kicked.

Watched KICK-ASS with Baby yesterday night after my school, after his work. The movie is overall not bad, quite nice but it's a little gore. Okay, many scenes consists of blood and gore. It's a funny movie though. (: Recommended to watch this. And until now, i haven watch "How to train your dragon" Haha. But well, it's okay. (: Morning run with Baby just now, super hot and satisfactory. (: Fats burning time and body toning time. Haha! Well done!!! (:

Dont read if you dont feel like it.

Everyone has regrets, and i do have some too. The regret now i keep thinking about is, why did i not put in more effort to study for my olevels few years back. see my friends all going to poly, already in poly, makes me depressed. I mean, we are all of same age, mostly same school, same class even. But, they are already in poly, some even in year 2 already. And im still in ite. I never regret going to ite because i got to know nice friends over there, but it just pulls me down whenever i know, im always behind some people. This year is the last year of my 3 years in ite, and i want to get into a poly. I really want to, and i will work extra hard to achieve that. My CA told me that i made the greatest improvement in my grades since the first sem. Of course, i am happy. But this is not what i want yet, i want to get really good results and go to a poly easily. Im quite satisfied with the GPA i got this time round but my CA told me i could have gotten even higher GPA because the first sem results pulled my GPA down. Well, school just started yesterday and its time to study hard and play hard again. Sometimes, i feel almost invisible. Well, 习惯就好. Maybe someday, someone will sing me a beautiful melody. (:

Date night.

Watched "Date Night" with Baby, Aaron and Xuanyu yesterday night. Nice movie, i would recommend you guys to watch this movie. It's hilarious, touching, comedy romance movie. Especially if you're a couple, watch it. (: You want to be best partners, and not best room mates.
Maybe we should have a date night too? (:

True love, is falling in love with the same person many times.

Bangs? Should i?

I wonder how will i look if i had straight bangs like them? Hmm...

Wonder which hairstyle suit me the best.
Thinking thinking thinking.
Off to prepare. (:

Happy anniversary (:

Tuesday
06 04 2010
Baby came over my place for dinner. (: It quite boring though, cause there's nothing much to do at my place too. Hope he dont mind. (: But we managed to watch tv with my mum. Hahaha. Is that something good? I think yes arh, can strengthen the bond. (:


Monday
05 04 2010
(Part 2)
It was Baby's off day so we went down to an industry building to buy Baby the dragonboat paddle. (: Haha. Hope that he will enjoy dragonboat even more and do better in the up coming race. Cause, the paddle is i buy one. HAHA! (: Then, dinner at his place, and home sweet home.


Sunday

04 04 2010
1st anniversary. (Part 1)

My cute and naughty cousins. They came right before i went out. Too bad~ Haha!

Later in the afternoon:

Ate this red bean ice cream finally like after so many years luh. NICE! (:

He likes it too. (:

Took neo prints for the very first time after 1 year. Haha. Great achievement. (:
And of course, it was my idea.

Then dinner time:
Cha Cha Cha, Mexican restaurant.

Had our dinner, same dish too. (:

After dinner:
Chill at Esplanade. (:

Yes, it was a very simple day but i enjoyed myself. Did you? It was a happy happy day.
Officially together for 1 year, alot of ups and downs. But we always manage to pull through the down times. Yes, many times Baby did more things to pull us over but, i appreciated it. Maybe is because he went through much more things than me, he knows how to handle situations. Plus he is an officer, should be even better. Haha. :D Well, thanks Baby.
I love you.

Thursday
25 03 2010
Dao huey day. (:

Have been telling Baby dunno how many times that i want to eat dao huey and we ate it. (: Baby was nice enough to come meet me after my work and off we go to eat dao huey. Oh, dao huey is bean curd if any of you guys dunno. (: So sweet. Still remember got once, after his dragonboat training, he bought my mum and i dao huey. :D Isnt he sweet? Aww.. (:

Friday 2nd April 2010

(Good Friday)

Found this early in the morning in my living room. (Of course picture is taken from the web.) The thing spotted in my house is black with orange stripe, more to the second picture. Super duper scary for me to see as im really scared of insects. I mean, really scared. I see them, i run. Of course, no exception for this huge flying hornet. Yea, having a sister like me, my brother is bound to be scared of these kind of things too. Well, because i will shout and then run and hide myself in the room, asking for help. Haha. Sometimes, i find myself silly too. Im human and they are so many time smaller than me, but still, scared uh. Haha. After i woke up this morning, washed up and everything, i brought my breakfast to the living room and my brother was already using the computer. And then, this flying object flew past the tv, and towards my brother. So i shouted "Jo, BEE!!!" And poof, in a split second, my brother ran to the toilet, i ran into my dad's room, still shouting, "BEE BEE" My dad woke up, say this bee very dangerous and guess what. It flew into my room. THANKS UH. But my dad damn brave, (if not how to be my dad) he use newspaper to smack it and it flew out of the window. Lucky my dad at home, if not, i think my brother and i will die in the house. Cause none of us dare to smack it. Haha. Well, i hope my brother grow up faster in order to "protect" me from things like this in the house. (: Haha... Im very lucky to have a dad like him. (:

Oh well, i hope the rain stops sooner. It's wednesday and it's supposed to be running day for me with Baby!! ):

Please rain on other days...

Jam-packed!

This will be my 300th update since i created a blog. It has been quite some time since i updated my blog. So i planned to update this morning because i woke up early even though it's hoildays. Think im too used to waking up early, and reading my boyfriend's msg. Aww, so sweet. Hahaha! Alright, since my last update was on the 18 feb, i shall update everything. But, think im not going to upload any pictures. Too lazy and my com got brainwashed, everything gone. ): Anyway, it will be a jam packed post. Have fun reading! HAHAHA!

Sat 20 Feb

Went to meet my Baby for breakfast, followed by swimming! (: Went home, wash up and met Baby again together with aaron, to bugis and suntec. My Baby is going for dragonboat tml.. Oh, my tanned and muscular Baby~ HAHAHA! Day-dreaming!

Sun 21 Feb

Met Baby for dinner at AMK Hub.

22 & 23 Feb

Went over to Baby place because my com is dead. Dinner at his house too. (:

Wed 24 Feb

Went running with Baby after his work. Every wed is running day. (:

Fri 26 Feb

Working from 3-11pm. Tired.

Sat 27 Feb

Visited Baby's relatives. Last day of cny too.

Sun 28 Feb

Made mango pomelo sago dessert. Woohoo~ Damn nice. Asked Baby over to try. Hmm, he loved it. I guess. (: Haha.

Mon 1 March

Didnt go school.

2 & 3 March

UNHAPPY ):

Thurs 4 March

OH, Happy 11 months! Very soon, 1 year anni. Cant wait! (: Dunno why, i feel like we have been together for a very long time already cause maybe we went through alot of things but, the dates like tricking me. Haha. Anyway, met Baby for dinner and wanted to watch "Alice in wonderland 3D" but not much seats is left so, didnt manage to watch it.

Fri 5 March

Guess what. Baby met me for dinner and movie. :D Hahaha. Watched "Alice in wonderland 3D"

Woohoo~

Sat 6 March

Running session and breakfast with Baby. Went tpy then down to downtown, made Nebo cards and finally dinner at Baby's house because it's his duty day.

Mon, 8 March

WFB exam. Gosh, because of exams, i killed dunno how many millions of my precious brain cells. ):

Tues, 9 March

Made the mango dessert again. Asked Baby to bring back for his parents. (: I love making desserts. Who want to sponsor me? Hahaha.

Wed 10 March

Final papers, Hra and Tps. Underestimated the Tps paper. Running with Baby that evening. And, it's holidays!!! WOOHOO~~~ :D

Thurs 11 March

Met jason and szh for last min lunch. I want the dslr luh!!! ): Town with Baby. I tell you people who want cheap food court food. Go to centerpoint, the basement foodcourt. The food selling there is all $2 !!!!!!!! From now until the 14 of march. :D Go, hurry. Hahaha!

Iphone or not?

Oh gosh, should i get an Iphone? So many people around is getting or already got an Iphone. It's such a temptation to get one. Should i? Thinking thinking thinking.

Im here to wish everyone HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR and not forgetting

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!!!!

For chinese new year part, i hope everyone can collect alot of ang baos!

As for valentines' day part, i hope every couple can be happy and get what they want on this day! (:

Im home, after visiting both grandparent's house, blogging, touch up make up, showered second time cause the weather is so HOT, and looking forward to spend valentines' day with my baby afterwards. Woohoo~ I dunno what to expect. Hahaha. :D

Massive outbreak.

Thursday, 11th Feb 2010.

Baby came over and baked with me. I still think baking is more of a girls thing. No offence. Well, something unhappy happen after that, that i dont wish to say. So, lalala. Chinese New Year coming, and also Valentines' Day, nervous? Like dont have the mood eh.

Tuesday, 9th Feb 2010.

DAMN UNLUCKY DAY I TELL YOU ALL. PISSED OFF. First, project got to rush. Second, rush finish project, happily want to print out proposal, MY BLOCK GOT ELECTRICITY SHORTAGE. Thirdly, went to meet wynny at amk to cab to school and you know what???? My skirt's split TORE. Maybe i too gan chiong, want faster get off the cab and want faster take the change, then stretch too much and "PIAK". The sound of the tear is so loud, wynny also can hear when she is like outside the cab. Uber paiseh when i have to run up the stupid stairs in school. Luckily, classmate got safety pin. Went home and tell my mum, she laugh damn long can. Say i sure very unglam and not lady like when im in school. Got one more thing, but i dont feel like saying so, to end this all, is just saying that this is a very UNLUCKY day. ):

Sunday, 7th Feb 2010.

The is the amount of people from our group that went. Well, we went to the wrong ceremony luh. Damn funny i tell you! And we still can yaya tell the guy we are friends of the bride. But when we step inside the ceremony, we were like, "Eh, run run, WRONG BRIDE!!!" HAHAHA! Anyway, happy engagement Amalina! (:
After the engagement, we went off to AMK, for CHICKEN CHOP~~~ (slurps) without wynny and xinyi. Cause they have to go somewhere else.. Baby friends came to meet us and together with sok, weic, jon, billy and salihin, they went to L4D. I sat there and watch, damn funny. Total trash. Home around 11pm plus. Enjoyed the whole day. (: Did you guys enjoy? Hope you guys did too.

Saturday, 6th Feb 2010.
Went bishan to watch 14 Blades with Baby, Aaron and Xuan Yu. The movie is not bad. Talks about betrayal, greed, brotherhood and all. But, very bloody. Keep on killing soldiers or whoever that ought to be killed. Hmm, the "tuotuo" damn funny. Sword that moves like a snake. And yes, as her name describes, she will remove the outer coat while fighting and wears them back by turning and swirling. Cool uh? No, because she kill wu zhun. And she looks like the female version of Qi Yuwu. HAHAHA. Home around 12am plus. Tired.

Friday, 5th Feb 2010.

Met Baby and went HV for an interview. But dont think i will get it anyway. And it was raining so heavily that day. =/ Went off to town with Baby and bought myself an accessory for cny from diva. (: Met arron at amk, slacked at amk mac and off we go, back home.

It's this day again. (:

Oh, boy. I do love you.

Oh, it's 4th of every month again and now, it has been officially 10 months since me and Jason got together. Alot of ups and downs, but we're fine now. (: Well, doesn't mean we can slack and let distractions get into out way. Enough quarrels, i scared already. The fear of losing is scary. But oh well, we not that sweet sweet anymore. 10 month or not, it's just a normal day. (: It's okay, if we're really loving and all, everyday will be a sweet, loving day. Agree? Anyway, valentines' day and chinese new year is just around the corner. Anyone excited? I am! Cause i wonder where i will go going in the night after all those new year celebrations. Morning till afternoon is new year celebration. Evening to night, is valentines' day celebration. Woohoo~ Cant wait. :D I only bought a dress this year for new year. Still thinking whether i should get one more set, but all my relatives stay so near my area........ Argh! We shall see. Hahaha. If not, i will just get myself a bag. It has been since a long time since i did shopping. Due to cash flow problems, i have been telling myself, i should not spend so much. But, maybe it's new year (excuses), i think i should pamper myself. :D HAHAHA. Wonder should i get that _______ for you* or not. No clues shall be given. Hahaha. Guess if you can. LOL! Confirm cannot one. Everyone can guess, including you, my boyfriend. (:
Anyway, happy 10th month to you my baby.

I love you.

P.s: Baby, try guessing okay?

But i tell you first, even if you get the answer right, i will not tell you.

HAHAHAHA~ :D

Love, what's love?

Live your life like you have never live before and maybe happiness is on it way to find you.

Sometimes, it's human nature to take people and things for granted.

But once you have woken up, everything will be fine. Or will it be?

I really dont know what to say.

Human are all cruel and ugly creatures that prey on one another in order to survive.

Isnt it?

Just hope that everything will be alright and we'll be like always.

Treasure the present, reminisce the past.

Monday, 25 Jan 2010.
S&W time !!!

Random photos before we start S&W. The most tiring captain ball game i ever had with another class. I thought both classes agreed to make a friendly match. But, it's not as friendly as we think. Oh well, for sportsmanship, we endure. (:

In the night

With the remaining 8 sparkles left, we created this.

(More in facebook.)

MY NAME! :D

Out with the girls for dinner at cathay aston. Dinner was nice, and cheap. After dinner, cabbed to wendy house and off to evelyn place. While playing the sparkles, okay, just started to unwrap the wrapping and Evelyn's dog scared the shit out of us, suddenly went missing. But clever enough, it went back to the same tower. (: Loyal dogs. Cool! Stayed till 1am plus and wendy drive us back. THANKS WENDY! (: School at 12 the next morning. Lucky. (:

More outings next time! :D
Good time.

Dont read if you dont want to. You dont have to read it.

All that i have said is based on what i feel and think. You dont have to read it if you dont want to. You can laugh all you want, say all you one but for those who wants to give sarcastic remarks, you can jolly well keep them to yourself. I dont need them anyway.


Im experiencing that helpless feeling once again. Nothing i do seem to please, nothing i do seems to be right. Totally helplessness. Everything i do, seem to make everything worst. Sometimes, i ask myself. Why am i in this situation again? All i do, just creates problems, becomes fights. I pick on every little thing. Why? Who can tell me why? Is it i expect too much? Am i expecting too much? Am i demanding? Who can tell me what's demanding? I just wanted to talk to someone, i turn to you. But, when i start to let my guard down, we quarrel. Yea, my fault. And now, who else can i turn to? I just want a little bit of help, a little bit of protection, a little bit of security, a hug and a pair of listening ears and i'll be fine.. You dont want to listen , fine, it's okay. Let me know that you'll be there when i need you. I always thought i was good, but it seems to be im not enough good. Im far from good. I dunno where i stand. I dunno where to stand. From young, im already like this. I always wait for people to come talk to me, i wait for people to tell me what's happening, i wait for people to tell me what im supposed to do. Many times, i tell myself, i shouldnt let this happen. But i dunno how to rewrite everything. How i wish i had a reset button so that i could just reset my life. Minus the bad choices, bad decisions, plus all the good and wonderful ones. But i just cant. This is me, im like this. Im not confident. Im bad, im not good. Im really far from good. I always thought i have what i want, but end up, i have nothing that i ever wanted. Yes, some people might be laughing at me and thinking in their mind, saying out loud. Oh, vivian also will like that one? Yes, im also human and i need the extra pair of hands to lift me up and not to only say, reprimand and continue saying. When i ask what can i do, i expect an answer. I dont want you to ask me back, ask me to think on my own. When i ask, means im clueless. I always thought looking up to the sky, would stop the tears from flowing. But im wrong, im so wrong. I end up crying like a broken dam. Yes, im a cry baby, i dunno how to speak up, i always keep everything to myself and end up exploding. I also need someone to talk to, but i just cant find the right one. I have tried but that person i thought was nice, turn out to be "nice". Every little thing, add up to one big thing. Is listening to friends a better choice? I asked myself what to do, but all i can think of is, nothing, total blank. I always wanted things to work out, but in the end, the quarrels occurs even more. Why is this so? Why? I always ask myself, WHY? I already working on my bad points, i know i get upset by every little small thing. Since last week, i have been trying to tell how i feel, hint you that i was upset. You didnt get it, so i gave up hinting. I told you, you told me wait for another day. When i say i want to meet, means i got something to say. Yea, it might not be a big deal to wait another day for you, but to me, yes is it. Human nature that we pick on the bad points. And it's also my fault. Maybe im just not trying hard enough. When i need you, i just need you to be there. You can do any other things you want, but i just need your presence, your assurance. It's good enough. Yes, i know im in the wrong. And now, who else can i turn to? Im like slapping myself with my own hand because i dont speak up and i wish that people will understand me. I really thought so. Maybe i brought this upon myself. Maybe i dont even deserve anything. I always thought i am a person who is easy to understand, but it turns out to be that im not. Im far worst. Im a person with low confidence, i dont speak up, im okay with anything. But now i know, actually im not okay to anything. I just keeping quiet to make things easier but ends up, even harder. Im okay to nothing. I used to have someone to talk to, but now no more. Alright, go on, move on. A total piece of shit.

Just changed my blog songs again, shuffled them cause i got a total of 11 songs. Just doing a random post here. Haha. Too bored. Weather now don't seem too good.. Like abit cloudy, like going to rain and it better not as i'm going to meet Baby later. Hope it doesn't rain man. Okay, while tying this, it RAINED. HEAVY RAIN SOMEMORE. Tsk. Well, i better go get ready now. Cause meeting Baby at 7.15pm, city hall mrt. And i very tu~ (slow) one so i better go prepare now. I say go prepare, but i will do something else before preparing. Then try on clothes to see which one suits better. If i say somemore, confirm will tu until 5pm+ then go prepare. Alright luh, bye people! :)

The rain better stop before i leave house.
If not, .......
I bring umbrella out lor.. =/
Haha!

I never gave up. Well, i don't know what to say. All i know was, after so many years, is it still the same?

Twenty Ten !

LOOK AT THE CROWD OVER AT MARINA. LIKE SARDINES. LOL!

Me, Baby, Kenneth and Suyi.

Spent the first few mintues of 2010, watching fireworks live with Baby.

One of my new year resolution. (To watch fireworks live with my boyfriend.)

Baby, i love you.

Im not going to care, i am not.