It's funny how my attention is easily drawn to you, just like before. Everytime I see you post something upsetting or emotional on fb, I get concerned so damn quickly and would send you a text to ask about you even after so long. It is going to be 9 months soon, but I guess I would still feel the same even after years we broke up.
I just saw an emotional post on my fb newsfeed, saying that you're demoralized. Oh you don't know how much urge I have to send you a text, asking about you again. But, this time round, I think I'm giving it a pass. Not that I don't want to do it anymore, but you're right.
You left, ever since June 2013.
You came lingering around recently, hoping to see some changes, hoping to see if we could have something again. Then when things aren't as what you expected, you leave. Again.
My heart, just die each time you decide to come and go so easily. You don't know how difficult it is that I'm keeping this cool, strong front. Because firstly, I don't like to show my vulnerable side to people. Secondly, what for I keep showing my vulnerable side to you since you hate it and can't handle me being vulnerable? Then blame me that I'm too strong for my own good? Even when the least I need was a hug even before the breakup, you said we shouldn't have physical contact so we wouldn't complicate things. Then why didn't you keep to your 'rule' before we started an official relationship?
You don't want me to be weak. But yet you don't want me to be strong because I get too strong. Things didn't look too good when we ended. And it didn't even look any better after our last conversation when you decide to leave again. I have a lot to say, but what for right? Since you already decide to leave again.
Maybe this time, I should just brave up and face it. You left and I doubt you will be coming back.
Like what people always say, 'If you love someone, let them go.'. And, today I guess I should let you go. I hope you will find someone to share why you're demoralized today. (which I don't think it's an issue since you have many friends there for you) I hope you feel better soon.
I hope maybe one day, I could really face it, and let everything go like how you're doing it. You're really brave and strong. I'm not.
Glad that you're doing what you love now, since you mentioned that it was your passion. While I thought maybe I could be one in the reason to why you were so motivated but ha, I'm they stupid. I realized after the break up that even if I wasn't there at all, it wouldn't be much difference. Silly me. I naively thought you would be at least a little upset to not see me there, supporting you anymore. But guess what, you're doing better than before. Good for you.
Take care.
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