we broke up on the 10th nov 2008, 5.23pm. im single now. all alone, feeling empty. everyone is telling me maybe a break up is even better. but it doesn mean that just saying let go means let go. its hard and its even harder given my character. every time i walk to the place where we both walked pass, i think of you. every time my phone rings, i think that it might be you. but i know, its impossible. you gave me reasons that its because of your mum, you decided to break up with me. is being friends really better? well, i dunno. its gonna be hard for me to forget you. i dunno you will still miss me or even use one second to think about me but i hope that you will keep all those memories that we had. no matter its good or bad.. i dun know that you will read my blog or not but i jus wanna say out my feelings. its gonna be real hard for me to adapt to my new life without you. we have been together for almost 10 months. this coming 16th will be your birthday and our 10 month anniversary but why? why the sudden change? why a sudden break up? friday the 7th of nov, you can treat me so so well, but why? you suddenly went missing on sunday, not wanting to pick up my calls, not wanting to reply my sms, avoiding me, not wanting to contact me. when your friends call you, you can happily pick up their calls but when i call you, its either you off your phone or jus let it ring until its automatically hangs up. i dunno what did i do wrong to get all this nonsense from you. you hurted me, DEEPLY. i didnt expect you to treat me like how they treat me last time. i didnt expect that you will lie to me so many times jus to go out and play with your friends. maybe i really too soft hearted. i gave you so many chances to change but yet, this is what i get from you. have i ever shouted at you? when have i ever not answered your calls? when have i ever break a promise that i made to you? but to you, promises are like, meant to be broken. so many empty promises, so many lies, but yet, i still gave you chances to change. all because of your mum, we broke up. now i think your mum must be celebrating already, cause we finally broke up. maybe i should think to the more positive side that we broke up is because your mum is threatening you with whatever reasons and you didn want to hurt her, so you hurt me instead. maybe you are trying to be a filial son after making your mum worry for you too much. or maybe is because your mum is going back, she wants you to go back, den you wan me to give up all hopes on you, thats why you say you dun love me anymore. well, the truth is going to stay with you. i will not know the real answer. to say, i wun miss you, think of you, or love you is just lying to myself. its not possible for me to forget all those times that we spent together. maybe to you, im long forgotten. but to me, you are always there, in my mind and heart. how to not think of you? you can push me so high up and den jus suddenly throw me down without any warning. the rings, the stuff toys, photo frame and everything you gave me makes me think of you. i dunno whether the things i gave to you will still be with you or are they long thrown away by you or your mum. but its memories.. OUR MEMORIES. now every moment i think of you, my eyes gets teary, nose gets red, emotions run high. but i must get over you. i gotta stay strong even if i cannot.. every time when im with my friends, i will try very hard not to think of you, but when im all alone, the images of you jus flow through my brain. im so depressed. you promised me that you will celebrate your birthday with me but why? now, it will be your friends celebrating for you, no longer me. my heart is REALLY broken, wounded. you said that you wan to be friends with me, but how is it possible to even be friends when your mum hates me so much? she has already asked you NOT to contact me in any ways. why is she so ungrateful? did she forget how i helped her when you were quarrelling with her? does she need me to remind her how much things have i done for you and her? forget it, by saying all this, you wun even come back to me.. friends? hope that we still can be friends bahhs. i have lost all my hopes.

you are my past, i will always remember you.
and you are always on my mind.
16.01.08 till 10.11.08
i still love you, but do you?